可借鑒之處：開頭啟用了一個非常醒目的問句，這是最能吸引批卷者視線也是高分作文的表現(xiàn)!

Considerfirsttheeffectoftheautomobileonourindependenceasindividuals.Insomerespectstheautomobileservestoenhancesuchindependence.Forexample,carsmakeitpossibleforpeopleinisolatedanddepressedareaswithoutpublictransportationtobemoreindependentbypursuinggainfulemploymentoutsidetheirmunities.Andteenagersdiscoverthatowningacar,orevenborrowingoneonoccasion,affordsthemaneededsenseofindependencefromtheirparents.

此段主要是為下一段的駁論作鋪墊。

精華：Considerfirst...

insomerespects...=insomecases,tosomeextent

注意afford的用法

However,carshavediminishedourindependenceinanumberofmoresignificantrespects.

We'vegrowndependentonourcarsformutingtowork.Werelyonthemlikecrutchesforshorttripstothecornerstore,andforcartingourchildrentoandfromschool.Moreover,thecarhasbeameansnotonlytoourassortedphysicaldestinationsbutalsototheattainmentofoursocioeconomicgoals,insofarastheautomobilehasbeasymbolofstatus.Infact,inmyobservationmany,ifnotmost,workingprofessionalswillinglyunderminetheirfinancialsecurityforthesakeofbeingseendrivingthisyear'snewSUVorluxurysedan.Inshort,we'vebeslavestotheautomobile.

精華：diminishourindependenceinanumberofmoresignificantrespects

注意notonly…butalso的用法

沒有什么驚天地泣鬼神的事例，但卻能用平常生活中的點滴起到說理的作用，此法值得借鑒。

Considernexttheoverallimpactoftheautomobileonourstrengthasindividuals,bywhichImeanstrengthofcharacter,ormettle.Iwouldbehard-pressedtolistonewayinwhichtheautomobileenhancesone‘sstrengthofcharacter.DrivingapowerfulSUVmightaffordapersonafeelingandappearanceofstrength,ormachismo(男人氣魄).Butthisfeelinghasnothingtodowithaperson'struecharacter.Incontrast,thereisacertainstrengthofcharacterthateswitheschewingmodernconveniencessuchascars,andwiththeknowledgethatoneiscontributingtoacleanerandquieterenvironment,asaferneighborhood,andarguablyamoregenteelsociety.Also,alternativemodesoftransportationsuchasbicyclingandwalkingareformsofexercisewhichrequireandpromotethevirtueofself-discipline.Finally,inmyobservationpeoplewhohaveforsakentheautomobilespendmoretimeathome,swherestheyaremoreinclinedtoprepareandevengrowtheirownfood,andtospendmoretimewiththeirfamilies.Theformerenhancesone'sindependence;thelatterenhancestheintegrityofone'svaluesandthestrengthofone'sfamily.精華：contributetoConsidernext...Also,...Finally,...inmyobservation...

Beinclinedtodosth.=clingtodosth.=intendtodosth.=beapttodo/aptlydosth.

一種比較簡單易行的對比/類比：Theformer…thelatter…

Tosumup,theautomobilehelpsillustratethatwhenaluxurybesanecessityitcansap(注意此位gre?？紗卧~)ourindependenceandstrengthasindividuals.Perhapsoursocietyisbetteroff,onbalance,withsuch"luxuries"afterall,theautomobileindustryhascreatedcountlessjobs,raisedourstandardofliving,andmadetheworldmoreinteresting.However,bybingslavestotheautomobilewetradeoff(=sacrifice)acertainindependenceandinnerstrength.

此文章得分應(yīng)該是5分了。為什么?首先，頭尾都不錯;其次，全文無太多的語法錯誤，表意清晰，舉例恰到好處;再次，分析手法運用了不完全否定的同意的辯論方式，這是最保守的做法。

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